Bob's Testimony
My name is Robert Marino. I was born and raised in Warren, Ohio. I am now 40 years old. I am the youngest of three children. I love to play basketball, bowl, go fishing, create music, and do imaginative writing (songs, dramas, etc.). I would like to tell you more about myself because I feel it will somehow be a blessing to your life.
My upbringing was pretty much, by today’s standards, a moral one although I did my share of ignorant things such as mooning people. My family argued a lot and we were never really close. I think we gave a new meaning to dysfunctional. I went to Catholic Church all of my life but I can't say that I ever knew God in a personal way or understood His Word (the Bible), much less cared to read it. I knew about Him, but had no idea that I could know Him in a friendship kind of way. I would like to share with you how He changed my life, and if you don't know Him, I would like to give you the opportunity to know Him. This is my story, which I hope you enjoy and let it change your life. At the end, is my first song that I ever wrote. It is about how the Lord set my spirit free. It's called "Freedom in Love".
*TWO WEEKS SHY OF ETERNITY*
I was always made fun of and picked on as a kid, so I was always getting into fights. I couldn't understand why most people didn't like me. I was always a pretty nice person to be around, I was good at all sports, and at the top of my class in school. I can't remember ever starting a fight. I was either antagonized till I blew up, or just merely defending myself. I never could understand why some people were so heartless. Most of what I went through was because of the way I looked. Later, in my early teens, some people started rumors about me that weren't true. I lost about every friend I had in school and to this day I don't know if it was because of the rumors or even know how many people heard the rumors. I just know that the rumors started and not long after, everybody ignored me. So feeling low about yourself to begin with, and then losing all you thought you had left brings a person to a place of evaluating if life was really worth living. Supposed friends and even family made comments at times that cut to the heart. I figured if anybody really did love me they would not be treating me this way. I realized then that I was on my own. I didn't want to be but it seemed that everybody made the choice for me.
I no longer wanted to live. To me there was nothing to live for. I just wanted to be accepted and cared for but it just wasn't there. At age 13, I started skipping more school than I normally did. I didn't want to get up in the morning but forced myself to because I had a little bit of hope left on the inside of me. Not soon after, I went into a clinical-like depression. I was never diagnosed with it because I always hid really well how I felt inside, but I had all the characteristics. For two years I fantasized probably every way imaginable and not imaginable to kill myself. I won't get into any details because my thoughts became very sadistic and morbid. I even started hurting myself physically and would even get some kind of sadistic joy out of it. Nobody knew that I was hurting myself. I didn’t do it to get attention because I felt like no one cared anyhow. It even got to the point where I would even get some sort of enjoyment (almost gleeful) out of thinking on those thoughts. There were times I actually felt like I was dying when I fantasized on those things and I felt like I must have deserved what was happening just because it was happening. In reality, I was dying; I was dying inside both mentally and emotionally. You are probably shocked that somebody could actually hate themselves so much unless you were there yourself. I even got to the point where I thought of murdering someone from my family and one of my relatives. The hate grew in me so much that I literally hated everybody and everything and planned on getting revenge before I would kill myself. This was something that I could never have dreamed that I would have even thought of doing such a thing because I was always softhearted. I thought maybe I would just kill myself in such a way that it would just look like an accident because I didn't want anybody to know I was suicidal. More so, I thought of leaving the country or go to some distant place and do it in such a way that they would have never found my body. The reason I thought of that was because I felt that they wouldn't care anyhow at the funeral so why give them the pleasure of knowing that I was dead. I really thought this way that people would get pleasure in my death so I didn’t want to give them that opportunity.
During this whole two-year ordeal, I prayed to God hoping He could do something for me. Nothing ever happened and because of that I started totally doubting the existence of God especially because God is suppose to be loving, Remember, I was baptized as a baby, confirmed in the Catholic Church, went to church faithfully every Sunday my whole life and even went to the special masses during Easter, All Saints Day, and Christmas. Me, Bob, had become totally oblivious to if God really existed and if He did, why He didn't love ME, but loved others. I guess you could say that I felt in my heart that if God did exist, I was starting to hate Him too because I felt He dealt me an unfair hand in life. I felt I was playing with a 6 High in the poker game of life and my hand would never change. I quit praying. I felt like “what is the use” and really started planning to kill myself. No more hope left. I was just tired of physically hurting myself and I couldn't bear to see my face in the mirror anymore.
There were only three things in that last year of my suicidal state that kept me going for one more year. They were 1) If God's Word were true and Hell was real and maybe Purgatory (a Catholic belief that you pay for your sins by suffering until God feels you redeemed yourself or you are prayed out of there by others) wasn't real, I might suffer for eternity. I really had my doubts about Purgatory for some reason. Anyhow, if Purgatory was real, who was going to pray me out? Nobody cared for me. I was so far gone by then that I really didn't care if I suffered for eternity. I wanted nothing to do with a God who created me and didn't care about me. And I sure didn't want to be around a bunch of "God-loving idiots". 2) What if I failed in committing suicide? I would probably be laughed to scorn. Not caring what anybody thought anymore, if I didn't succeed the first time, I would just keep trying till I did succeed. 3) This one is strange, but bear with me. It is the "honest to God" truth. I was so desperate down deep inside for love that I was literally looking up and I could only see the bottom. Anyhow, a kitten had walked up to me outside. There was about six of us out there, but he chose me and he just knew how to love on me. He even knew when I was in the real deep of the deepest depression times. He seemed to know what tears were and he would come up to me and just be there for me. What was really weird was when my family first took him in, he smelled like band-aids. We washed him but the smell just wouldn't go away for at least a month. I personally believe God did that to sort of say I'm going to heal you of your inner wounds, but I would not know this till later. Even though I believed this cat really seemed to love me, the hate, the bitterness, the pain, the anguish, and the suffering was just too much to endure anymore. Hell or non-existence just didn't sound so bad any more.
God knew I wasn't playing games about ending it all. I truly believe that if what I'm about to tell didn't happen when it did, I would have been lost forever without God in Hell suffering in torment within two more weeks. Time was quickly running out for Bob Marino. One tends to doubt God's existence and His love when one believes God doesn't hear his or her prayers. Now I know that God answers a prayer three ways and those are NO, YES, and NOT NOW.
About this time, someone came into our family's path and left a few pieces of literature around such as the one you are reading right now. I read them because they were in cartoon form. I didn't like to read, but who could resist a cartoon – right? When I read them, it was like a light went on inside me and was telling me that what I was reading was THE truth. They talked about God, Heaven, Hell, and what Jesus did for everybody on the cross so they wouldn't have to go to Hell for their sins. My sister had given her heart over to Jesus, and my aunt was telling my mother that she needed to go to the church my sister was now going to because she was probably getting into a cult. I believed what I had read was so true that I yelled at my mother and told her, "You know it's the truth". I wasn't even a Christian. Sadly, I thought it was true for everybody but me. I was even jealous and mad that God would exclude me especially when I was the one who was hurt. They had a lot to do with me feeling the way I did about myself because of the things said to me and the things said about me. So now I believed God had to be real because of what I had read. The Holy Spirit was bearing witness to God's Word. In spite of all that, I still figured on doing myself in, in the near future because God never answered my prayers for the two years that I begged for mercy - at least that's what I thought.
Then it happened! God tricked me into going to my sister's new church. My sister was fasting food for some reason. I thought it was for me. I became concerned for her and thought she might starve to death. Being in the top of my class at school and having a good intellect; I, for some reason, thought that she could starve to death (LOL). That still baffles me to this day. And on top of that I had a soft spot for my sister and God knew that. She was probably the only one that seemed to treat me like a human being. So me in my mighty wisdom in the fasting arena, told her that if she would quit fasting, that I would go to church with her that Sunday. She agreed instantly. So here I was bound by my words. I have always been one to keep my words even if it was to my own hurt. I feel people need to be real and if you say you are going to do something - do it. The service was unbelievably long - about three dreadfully long hours. I was use to a half hour to forty-five minute mass my whole life and I thought that was too long. I just wanted to leave because I still believed that God's love was for everybody else. I was there totally out of obligation for my sister to keep my word to her but God met me where I was. Some man in the congregation came up to me and asked me to go to the altar to pray and ask Jesus into my life. I did not want to. I didn't even really understand everything, but for some reason I went up anyhow. God knew my heart. I felt pressured, but thank God I did go up. A week later I would have been in Hell and God knew that. It was now or never. This was my only chance to be reached.
I prayed with the man to receive Jesus as my Savior. Tears just poured out as God lifted all the burdens, fears, hate, and rejection away from me and my life. He had answered all the prayers in that one moment that I had prayed for those two hellish years and began making me feel like I was worth something for the first time in my entire life. I knew what real love was for the first time in my life, and I praise Him for doing all that He did to bring me to the place where I would receive Him and everlasting life. I was even able to forgive everybody in my heart because God's love was now in there. He does work in mysterious ways. He is definitely real and He loves every person on this planet right where they are. You just have to come to Him with a repentant heart and invite Him into your life. You will never regret it if you come to Him and walk with Him. You can only get out of a relationship what you put into it. That's right, you can literally have a relationship with God Almighty, the one who created you and the universe. It's pretty awesome. It is a shame that most rather settle for less. Being a Christian isn't always easy, because you still face problems in life like everybody else but God will be there for you to help you through. You just have to trust Him through the hard times. Your faith will show to be genuine or not during those times. I encourage you to come to God. He has so much to give to you - His love, joy, peace, eternal life, but most important of all, Himself. Invite Jesus into your life right now. Just pray the prayer below from your heart if you truly understand the gospel. You just need to believe in your heart that Jesus is the Son of God and that He came down from Heaven to die for your sins. You also need to see yourself as a sinner in need of salvation, and that God raised Jesus from the dead so you can be acquitted of your crime (sins). The Bible says, “that if you would confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you shall be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation". (Romans 10:9,10) You may say to yourself, I am glad Bob found God. He needed God but I am a morally good person and I will make it to Heaven by my own goodness but the Bible says, “For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: Not of works, lest any man should boast.” (Ephesians 2:8, 9) Self-righteousness will send you straight to Hell my friend. God demands a perfect sacrifice for your sin, which you can never provide. That is why the gospel is called the good news because Christ provided righteousness when He died for your sins on the cross and had taken your place. It is a free gift and cannot be earned. If you have ever broke any one of God’s commandments one time, the Bible says you cannot go to Heaven. You must see your need for forgiveness and how you have offended a holy and perfect God, and then repent which means to turn from your sin. At that point God will do His part and make it possible for you to live according to His Word (The Bible). I would also like to point out that Jesus said, “Repent and be ye saved.” Repentance is a component of salvation. So many people are praying a prayer similar to the one below without having ever truly repented of their sins and turned from them. There is nothing magical about the prayer by just repeating it.
PRAYER OF SALVATION
Father God, I come to you in the Name of Jesus. I thank You for sending Jesus to the Earth to be the ultimate sacrifice for my sins, and I ask that the blood He shed for me wash away all of my sins. I repent and choose to turn from my sins. I ask you to forgive me of my sins. I believe that Jesus is the Son of God and that He came in the flesh. That He died, was buried, and was resurrected by your power. Make me a New Creation in Christ Jesus. Thank You for Your salvation for me, Lord. I know that I won't be perfect, but I will need your help to walk in your ways and to follow you. I ask that you guide me day by day and show me your will for my life. Amen!
If you prayed the above prayer and really meant it from your heart, contact us at the address below so we can send you some free literature to help you get started in your new walk with God. It’s free too; you don’t have to pay for it. We don't want to leave you in the dark, but we would like to be there for you. I praise the Lord for you and welcome you into the family of God! Can you believe God will even use a cat? I thank God for that cat, Tiger. Him giving me Tiger helped me hold on long enough for God to get the Good News to me before I did something stupid.
Robert IN CHRIST’S LOVE,
330-399-7880
FREEDOM IN LOVE
I WAS ON MY FACE S 1 JESUS, I RECEIVE YOU IN MY HEART S 3
CRYING OUT TO THE LORD I KNOW THAT YOUR THE ONLY WAY
MY HEART WAS BROKEN IN TWO NOW I HAVE A BRAND NEW START
I COULDN'T ESCAPE THE PROBLEMS I HAD YOUR THE POTTER AND I'M THE CLAY
INSIDE I WAS HURTING-I HURT SO BAD
SUICIDE ON MY MIND S 2 HE TOOK AWAY MY FEAR S 4
LIVING LIFE IN A FEARFUL BIND AND GAVE ME PRECIOUS PEACE
THIS WAS IT-DO OR DIE GOD'S AWESOME LOVE FOR YOU AND ME
JESUS I'M GIVING YOU MY LAST TRY SHALL NEVER END OR CEASE
GOD HELP ME, I NEED YOUR SON THERE'S FREEDOM, FREEDOM IN LOVE,
LORD, FORGIVE ME FOR WHAT I'VE DONE JUST COME BECAUSE
THIS LIFE I'M LIVING ONLY LEADS TO DEATH IT RAINS DOWN FROM ABOVE
LORD, MY LIFE IS IN SUCH A MESS {CHORUS/AFTER S4}
{BRIDGE/AFTER S2}
NO PROBLEM IS TOO BIG FOR THE KING NO MORE BONDAGE; NO MORE SIN S 6
HE HAS CREATED EVERYTHING S 5 WITH CHRIST YOU WILL WIN
JESUS SHOWED ME HIS REALITY ONE LAST THING THAT I MUST TELL
WHEN I ASKED HIM IN YOU MUST BE BORN AGAIN TO MISS HELL
AND HIS PRECIOUS BLOOD
CLEANSED ME FROM ALL MY SIN
FREEDOM, FREEDOM, FREEDOM IN LOVE
JESUS SET ME FREE (ENDING)